Sailing

I’ve gotten really good at moving on.

I had my last appointment with my counselor yesterday. Its not the last because we’re done, but its the last because I’m leaving WSU and she’s a student counselor; the center she works at is only for students. I’m not a student anymore so I can’t see her anymore.

Usually this isn’t a problem for me, leaving a counselor isn’t something to fret about. I’ve left so many, some because I was moving and some because I’d reached a point where they weren’t necessary by mutual agreement.

But a funny thing happened on the way to wherever the hell I’m going. (The forum is over rated.) Jo and I crossed that line from just counselor and client to somewhere between just a counselor and a full fledge friend. This is not to diminish the spot she has moved into, its just special and unique.

I dunno… I made a point when leaving while walking down that hall together to get a bit in front of her and not look back. I’d already said goodbye and I didn’t wanna look back.

When I left the only home I knew, Binghamton, NY, when I was 12 for Dayton, Ohio. I wanted to go back and I did.

While physically I went back to Binghamton, I never have actually bone back in the interpersonal sense. The people I used to hang out with have changed, I’ve changed, and things are just different. Whatever you want to go back to you can’t; its ethereal, its gone. So I’ve got one way to go: forward. Thats it. there are no redos in life, as much as we would like there to be.

Today I talked with Jo about where I’m going the path I’m going on. Well I’m scared shitless that I’ll end up nowhere, not in school, single, lonely and without purpose or direction. But Jo extended my nautical metaphor.

I’ve pulled up my anchors in the harbor of Dayton, Ohio, and while I’ve not left the storm barrier I’m wandering out to the open ocean to find another harbor, hopefully one in a Cuba, perhaps writer’s paradise.

Between here and there I’m expecting a few storms, lots of nice beautiful days, but above all it should be an interesting time. And hey, I might even get a TAN!