Wind Needed!

Sometimes you make decisions that for short periods you regret making, but you know are for the best.

I’ve decided not to date. I made this decision about the same time I wrote The Shawn Standard, but its taking a lot of mental strength and techniques to keep this up.

There are a few guys at work who I’m deathly in lust of, two of them are in relationships and the other two are (maybe?) straight.

I’ve never really realized how much looking and obsessing over guys I do until I’ve attempted to identify and attempt to reduce the number of times I am looking at a guy severely or lusting. The best technique I’ve used is a Buddhist method about thinking about disgusting parts of their bodies to dislodge the pleasurable thought. It works generally except the lust pops back in, so I’m playing yo-yo with peggish thoughts. (Its derived from a metaphor; when repairing a rotten peg in a peg construction house you push another peg into it, so the building doesn’t collapse. Thus, the thoughts are pegs, and my brain the house.)

Of course now I am hoping that that guy just falls into my lap without effort on my part, but I’m not holding my breath.

Of course what I’ve done is replace one obsession namely lusting after physical guys, to lusting after mythical guys.

So now I’m stuck looking at every little possibility, although not as strongly. Okay so its strange always wishing that the next guy is dating material. At the moment I’ve developed a light crush on the guy on the phone right now…. So who’s next?

Now I’ve got the question of how far to suppress these desires.

You know its ironic. One of the things that I’ve spent a great deal of time developing is my homoattracted side, figuring out what it means to be gay and what social rules of the gay world are, etc, etc.

What a strange paradox, but honestly I feel good about telling part of myself to take a back seat, because I’ve got many other sides that should show through.

Can anyone blow up a wind to blow these lust clouds away?