Depressive Ramblings
Its scary to be dependent on medication. I’ve been on Effexor XR… since well Novemberish.
With the move from my apartment and work schedule change (same week, great fucking planning Nick.) I’ven’t taken it since Friday.
Four missed Doses; 600 milligrams of chemicals not pumped into my veins. (Save the amount that just gets crapped out.
Okay, the reason this is a problem is I just blue up at a bitchy voice person. I then called a supervisor over, and as this was happening the voice person hung up. I threw my flag down, when the supervisor asked what happened, I used some choice words to describe the caller in my loudest voice and I got written up.
This is just a strange problem trying to determine which one is really me? The bitchy person or the polite playful one?
They’re the same except for some drugs.
I feel incredibly lonely right now.
At this very moment I would give about anything to be snuggling with someone who or fuck the over long euphemistic descriptions. I want to be cuddling with Shawn.
Scary thing is I had to look up his last name today, but thats probably a good thing.
Yea for the fucking depressing! it reduces me down to wanting those primal things.
I’ve been chatting with Andy, wanting him to be this drop in replacement for Shawn, but somehow more permanent.
When the fuck am I going to be over him? I simultaneously hate and love ever meeting him.
I love just that we got to spend together and that he let me know whats possible.
I hate it cuz it still hurts.
I’d cut off my left pinky if it would make this hurt stop for any descent period of time. Fuck, it might even be good as a distraction, but the medical bills and the counseling would be a bitch.
I’m still stuck pondering that question. Why do we, do I have a demanding desire to have a significant other in our/my life? Furthermore how do those who don’t seem to mind that they’re single get there?
In other random ramblings people have been telling me to write a novel, and now I’ve got a topic so….. So I’m going to start doing that.