Crappy Radioactive Work

I need to stop acting like I’m quitting this job.

I’m acting like I’ve already gotten the Citiphone job already, like calling the division by its proper name and waxing about the beautifully and pleasantly designed building. (What I should be saying is that I’m shocked and appalled that they’ve charged me so much interest and spent it on this building but I’ll say if you gotta charge interest you might as well build a building like they’ve built.)

But I’ve already started on being a crappy employee no more goodie two shoes for me. I’ve been taking 20 some minute breaks (they’re supposed to be 15) and I took 11 minutes (I get 9) of Personal Time (known as P-Time) to take a really big crap. (see I can’t even get that right, I was doing C-time but using P-time.) In addition I was playing tetris on my phone while using C-time. (Everyone should do something to occupy the brain while C-timing, the colon knows what its doing, let it do its business, just like you should restrain your little kids from following the plumber or cable man around while they’re doing their business.)

But back to work, after my colonary diversion (yes, yes, yes. I’m gay. I know I put too much thought down there, but look at it this way, you’re the one reading about my C-timing habits, now if you like it or not you must admit that takes skill, for further examples of my efforts see Shitting is not an Olympic Sport)

But back to the crapper, I mean prison-err work. (I just serve my time in 8 hour chunks, besides that I’m convinced its worse than prison…)

Okay refocusing back to the job. I’ve been doing bad things, leaving when I’m done with the place, even before my shift, not coming in when I don’t feel like it. I mean I could do something really bad like call in a bomb threat or something like that but they don’t take those seriously. (Well at least no one searched the building.) Its not necessarily true that the grass is greener at Citiphone (or redder and bluer) but one hopes given the economy and pissed of card holders who owe too much that they take bomb threats seriously. (or maybe they don’t and you just get a $500 bonus for getting the “special” call of the day. (Hey terrorism has to pay someway, if ya ain’t gonna pay ransoms you might as well pay your employees some of the money saved.)

You see they get in a tizzy over nothing, I mean don’t they realize I have instructions to make a do-it-yourselfer nuclear bomb lying around on a computer somewhere? (Yes I do, The internet is wonderful, and I must remember to wipe that hard drive before disposing of it and/or the FBI’s visit.)

Speaking of the Federal Blunder Institute, I wonder if they have a file on me? I mean haven’t they kept any of their Hoover installed traits? (Besides clean carpet.)

Okay now given that I’ve shown myself as a truly deranged individual willing to go to any hights for a cheap laugh you’re thinking, that if Citiphone ever reads this they’ll never hire me right?

I think not — I mean wouldn’t you want an employee working in collections that can turn any bad situation into something resembling a shiny depleted uranium bullet that won’t kill the victim but just wound their pride, if they read it online?

Well at least thats what I’d do, but then again I’m a P-C time obsessed nut who just randomly spouts random drivel, that random people on the net read.

There now don’t you feel important?