Eternal Gut Conflictions without Sunshine

A blank text box staring back at you on a monitor that is older than half of the blogging population. (okay, well maybe most of the blogging population is over twenty years old, but I bet their monitors aren’t twenty years old.) The reason behind decades spanning Apple computer hardware setup? One dead backlighting system on my laptop. So I’ve attached the S-Video Composite dongle to the iBook and wired the composite out into the Apple IIc Color Monitor input. Standards are great things!

For better or worse recent events have induced me into examining my own feelings and actions during January 2002. There is someone, soon to be related to me, who reminds me a whole lot of myself during that time. I was utterly infatuated and enamored with Shawn at that time, to my detriment. I’d pay anything to repeat that time again. I’d pay anything to have that time erased from my memory a la Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I’m still conflicted and confused about the whole thing. I’ve more or less packaged the whole thing up and pitched it firmly into the unmutable, confusing past. I’ve purposefully tried not to integrate it, not to understand it, not to belabor over it, not to utilize it.

I’ve also since then learned to trust my gut. I’ve made a recent decision, one which I know will not be forgotten by anyone in my family for a long, long, long time. In my mind I’ve tried to justify it, and I’m about 75% there, but given the situation 75% isn’t good enough.

Life isn’t a philosophy class. I’d never attempt to make anything in a philosophy class fly with only 75% of it supported.