Archive for December, 2004

Poems are too short

to really say anything.

So, I don’t write them.

Okay I cannot keep writing these PEIDMs that meander similar to this “I was at   (place)   and I overheard   (number)     (gender)   talking and desecrating the English language”.

So one last time. I’m sitting next to two early 20′s/late teens girls who are overusing the word like, and have a complete lack of imagination when it comes to adjectives.

So I’ve decided on a new solution to the problem; an eavesdropping critique form. Basically a form that i’ll have copies of around and just circle the appropriate comments. I’ll post it here when I’ve done it but for starters ares that are problems: “like” over-usage, poor and boring adjective usage, grammar comments (I despise that I’ve somehow acquired that English teacher ability to in real time detect grammar errors.), lack of volume varying, just being too damn long winded etc…

I think it would be quite fun.

I did the unthinkable today. I turned off NPR. Deliberately. Not just any old NPR show, it was Fresh Air, one of the crown jewels of NPR, and usually one of the best shows.. I didn’t have a headache, I wasn’t parked and debating about having a “driveway moment” or getting into my house, and I didn’t want to listen to a CD. I just turned it off and drove in silence for the rest of the way home. (Admittedly driving in silence is actually not as bad as it seems at first. I actually at times enjoy it, but I digress.)

No. I turned it off because I was disgusted about the topic.

What topic would that be may you ask? I’ll let the summary for the Thursday, December 9, 2004 show speak for itself:

Bishop Gene Robinson is the first openly gay man to be ordained an Episcopal bishop. We’ll talk with Robinson, and also hear from Bishop Robert Duncan, the moderator of a group that was formed in opposition to his ordination.

By all accounts it should actually be an episode of Fresh Air that I would consider really enjoyable. To add to this recently I’ve considered reading The Advocate a chore. One of those things I should do not one of those things I want to do.

The reason I’ve become apathetic about almost anything gay-rights related, is well..

I’m tired of being a football.

I’m tired of hearing anti-gay rhetoric.

I’m tired of reading articles where a mother has to fight for the custody of her children.

I’m tired of monumental court cases to gain rights that heterosexuals have enjoyed since the dawn of society.

I’m tired of having a George W. Bush sign from my mother’s yard in my trunk, and wondering how my parents voted (and how they justify supporting discrimination against their son.)
I’m tired of reading and hearing that GLBT rights organizations have been out organized.

I’m tired of debating where exactly to move to be somewhere I’m not discriminated against.

I’m tired of being responsible for educating those around me that I’m “normal” and just like anyone else.

I’m tired of feeling that I am in no way represented by my government.

I’m tired of having no reasonable choice but to support a bigoted murderous government.

I’m tired of being a football.

There comes a time in chess, in war, in any game, in school, in life, when you realize that the odds of winning are horribly stacked against you and you must consider the option of changing course or retreat. Foolishly plodding on without being honest with yourself about the odds of achieving your goals is as dumb as deciding that if you continue to walk into a cinderbrick wall you’ll eventually get through to the room on the other side. (Yes, by the laws of physics eventually you will have worn down the wall, but this will be long after you’re fully bloodied and well past the age that it doesn’t matter anymore.)

So, I’m retreating. Its time for me to begin to plot a course out of this situation. Likely this means that part of my plans will be moving eventually, likely out of the country. Its not one of those things I’m thrilled about, but when the plan you’re on isn’t working, its time for a new plan, one that recognizes the realities of the situation, which I don’t care to recount.

I’m not exactly sure what the plan will be, or how it will take shape. All I know is that it will require much thought.

–Nick

I’ve been at my new job for a total of seven days. It definitely can be quite a stressful place. The strange thing is that I love it.

Let me rephrase that. In general I love it. There are other instances I would rather be flying out the 25th floor window, but all in all I love it.

This should’ve been something that my teachers noticed earlier. I love stress and having things due now. (Even better are things that are due yesterday.) Stress can be quite a motivator for me. I remember instances where I would go to bed early, wake up early (around 4am) and start to read the book for the paper that was due today.

There of course has to be a balance with these things. Those 4am read the book and write the paper sessions didn’t usually yield a paper on time. In the same way Nanowrimo is about placing stress to get things done.

The part of the equation I battle with is planning enough to actually deliver, but still leave myself enough stress to perform.

But, now it’s back to the stress-filled world of work.

Well. I’ven’t had this happen in quite some time, if ever. I got a snow day from work today. The last time I remember having a snow day from work was I left McDonald’s once at 7 am after getting there at 4:30 am because we were so slow.

I spent the morning working on my new DSL setup and a little bit of general online housekeeping.

After finally deciding that I was hungry I wandered into the kitchen and noted the heaping mound of dishes in the sink. Its not that I’ve not been monitoring, tracking, and ensuring that I have visibility of the situation, I’ve just been avoiding it.

This time when I walked into the kitchen I just did not want to see it anymore. The lead to a frantic neurotic search for something to block out the view. Quickly I decided on a piece of dirty clothing and started foraging through my hamper. At least I was reasonably logical and decided on utilizing a pair of jeans.

So currently my dishes are safely out of sight under a pair of jeans.

Guess you had to be there…

I no longer identify myself as a christian of any flavor. (And boy do they come in lots of flavors.)

That said, I have an emotional attachment to Christmas and winter. I’m finally in the Christmas mood for I think two reasons.

1. The weather is undeniably holiday like. I don’t know exactly how much snow we got here in the Cincinnati area, but boy it sure is a fun pain in the rear.
2. I’ve decided that I’m not buying gifts for everyone.

The second item sounds like I’m scrooge like I’m sure. But, I am done with being obligated to purchase a gift. If anyone expects a gift, it has moved from the realm of a gift into the realm of a social tax. Sort of the yearly fee that I have to pay to maintain friends and family.

I’ve decided that gift giving should be more spontaneous, and both to people I know and people I have never met.

I have been looking out for opportunities to help out those around me. (I do not classify them as random acts of kindness; I consider them opportunistic acts of kindness.) I’ve also made a very specific decision not to comment on what exactly I’ve done here or to anyone in person. My reward has already been paid in satisfaction, adding self-congratulatory statements actually subtracts from the satisfaction. (I am toeing the line here.)

I’ve also decided I want to make gift giving just a more organic part of the year instead of this artificial shopping fest we have every year.

I’m not sure what I want Christmas to be about, but I know that the standard fare no longer interests me.