Sortta in a rut

I finished reading Wil Wheaton‘s book Just a Geek. One of the recurring themes of the book is parts of Wil struggling against other parts, trying to find a balance that fits. He also discusses at length his experience with auditions. (For the record I hated auditions when I was the director, far too much stress in being fair to the actor and getting the proper mix for the cast.)

But, reading about all of those auditions got me hankering again to do something in theatre. I have such an odd relationship with anything theatre. At one point in May 2002 or so I was literally within an hour of changing my major to anything but theatre, and I got a call from Horizon Theatre offering me an internship. Saved from quitting theatre once!

The next time went to quit theatre I not only quit it, but school (for a while) as well. This was preceded by a final production of an original script by another student in which the students I was directing mostly refused to learn their lines. I left the premier evening after the play I directed was performed butchered. I promptly decided at this point the appropriate thing to do was to find my way to the nearest restaurant bar order myself a three course meal and drink as much as possible. I added to my sense of failure by going to a restaurant I used to work at and ordering everything I wanted to eat exactly as the server needed to write it down/ring it in. I wanted out, and if I had to escape to the crappy days of serving tables I’d do it that way.

But anyone who has ever been bitten by the theatre bug knows its like drug resistant tuberculosis. You’ll get it and have a hard time getting rid of it, if you can get rid of it at all. So currently my theatre bug is flaming up. But more importantly I know I need to do something that engages me. Work fills my time and is challenging at times, but for the most part it is getting to the point of a well worn simulation game. For the most part I’ve figured out how to anticipate any problems, I’m still tinkering about, but I’m no longer trying to understand how the system works as a whole.

I’ve always thought I’d suck at touring theatre. What I love most about theatre and the other positions I’ve been in the opportunity to see how to get the mechanisms to run smoother an more efficiently. (Or as we call it in theatre, tech rehearsals) While when I was on a two month run at Horizon I significantly increased the efficiency how I did my job, you get to a point where there is a plateau and every additional ounce of efficiency is even harder and harder to obtain. With many endeavors, at this point the amount of time that adding efficiency takes to implement is outweighed by the actual time savings, outweighing any significant gains.

To top this all off I’m getting the singleitis bug. I’m at the point where my triangle of friends, too few to be a circle, in Cincinnati more or less bore me. I’ve had someone from my past sneak up on me, and while I enjoy chatting with him I don’t want to try to force him to be “the friend” who I spend all my time with.

I keep thinking about spending a day or two off from work, but I’m more and more convinced I’ll just use it sleeping, jacking-off, movie watching or some combination of the two.

So I’m stuck at what I should do… (although at the moment I’ll choose sleep.)