Archive for April, 2006
Okay, well I spent far too much time tonight rewriting my personal ad. I’m actually kinda proud of it.. So without further adieu I give you, the new improved personal ad!
I’m a bit of an odd one and I like it that way. I work full time, go to school part time, and raise two cats full time. (Or I am raised by two cats, depends who you ask.)
I’m looking for an LTR, or at least something not just about physical attractions. I’m also interested in finding some new friends in the Cincinnati area. The guys I’ve been most attracted to are really beautiful inside, there never was anything that made them look special, its just they knew who they were, and their personality that counted.
I work in the fruit business as a Logistics Coordinator, which means I spend all day talking to truckers, and looking at the data that truckers create for me. It sounds boring, but its a lot of fun and its always something different. I’ve got a background in just about everything. I have read Quantum physics for fun, and I’ll read the back of a milk carton to find something interesting. I love the beauty of logical systems. I’ve been a food server, restaurant manager, telemarketer, credit card collector. I’ve been a phone line for deaf people, and I’ve read books into tape for blind people.
I also have a background in theatre, I’ve produced plays, directed plays, written plays, even acted in plays. I’ve only worked on one movie though. (Not kidding.) Now adays though I only see plays.
I like to try new things and challenges for the sake of the challenge. I once took a vacation only taking public transit from the time I left my door till the time I got back home at my door. I went for my Spring Break in Denver and took up snow shoeing despite that I wasn’t really in the shape for it. My boss is trying to get me to go hang gliding. (and I think I might go, just so I can tell him to “go jump off a cliff”.)
Movie wise I’m always looking for something different. I want to find the movie that pushes a limit, or does something different. I’ve recently discovered I’ve got a taste for clever horror, among my favorites there are Saw, Saw II, Cube, and Cube Zero. (Cube Zero is the best of the series IMO) I’m a fan of Charlie Kaufman; I think Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is simply brilliant, and Adaptation and Being John Malkovich are really enjoyable movies. Despite all this high minded cerebal stuff, I enjoy a good action movie, the X-Men series, and Spiderman series are great. You’ll also catch me wading my way through gay themed material in my Netflix Queue, as well as general dramas.
I’m a homebody, and an individualist but I enjoy spending some quality time with people. You’ll see me out for coffee, or enjoying dinner with a friend. I’m a blogger and have kept my blog, Path to Enlightened Insanity via Defacted Musings, up since 2003. I started dating a guy and he had a blog, and it pushed me to start mine. I’ve kept writing mine, although he’s stopped. Blogging is one of those ways that I work out my world and use to understand the world, and myself. Its been really cool being able to see myself grow by looking at and reading my blog.
What am I looking for in someone? You’ve gotta be able to hold a conversation. You must respect yourself. You need to believe that you should grow, and seek growth. You gotta be willing to admit your faults, and either commit yourself to fixing them, or deciding not to let them bother you. Its great if your a UU, like to study stocicism or buddism. But, honestly as long as you’re willing to respect others beliefs I’m fine with that.
Well, this quite possibily is the longest personal ad I’ve ever written. So, now is the time friends to pull up your keyboard and write a response. Remember it takes your message to continue the relationship you’ve begun by reading all the way to the bottom, don’t let the photons your staring at now go to waste!
Why do I always want the guy I can’t have?
So I’ve got a crush on Anthony Rapp. Sigh, yeah he’s in a relationship for three years, in another city, and eight years older than me…. Oh yeah, he’s famous too. Yeah he even has a myspace page. So hows that for fueling that somehow he might be accessible? Hell I had the CEO of a Fortune 1000 company email me at 2:07 in the morning, so why not a broadway actor? Aren’t they sort of in the same league?
So, lets get a little less sky high, and a bit closer to ground level. So I’m also attracted to Brock… Yeah, last I checked he was dating and somehow unavailable. And yeah like he’d be interested in me..
I’ve got a crappy self image right now eh? I usually ask people not to kick me, because it’s likely that I’ve already kicked myself harder and meaner than they have. It makes it hard to get hurt, if you’ve already kicked the shit out of yourself, how is someone else going to do it?
It also means that I have to be careful to balance that out. I’ve never really been able to blot out negative self talk, but I’ve also not focused myself on doing that, I prefer just to balance it with positive self talk, or at least deconstructing my negative self criticisms, to take the sting out of them.
I’m still trying to figure out how to live alone. I mean not alone, but without any other humans in my house. Well I’m personifying the boys more and more, Its amazing the cuddling we’ll get in. It feels so valuable and good to be cuddling with them. (Which happens on average 4.242 seconds after I sit or lie down.) On the other side, I’m cuddling with cats, it somehow seems well pathetic, almost like I’m using them as a substitute for a boyfriend to cuddle with while I’m single.
Cuddling, I want to go to a cuddle party. I want to have physical intimacy without having sexual intimacy.
I think another part of what really annoys me about living alone, is I’m stuck in my head, and stuck alone to maintain the place. There is no help, no partnership no sharing. (I mean the boys partner by making sure I have something to clean up, last time I had a roommate like that I told him to get the hell out.)
There is this guy at Starbucks that I’m attracted to. I just have to find the cohnes to actually flirt with him. Hell its annoyingly ironic that I actually manage to flirt with girls without even really trying. Its sad, I’ve had my straight friends scold me for flirting with a girl, and I don’t even realize it. But when I want to flirt with someone, I’m a fucking witless scaredy cat. (no offense boys)
I skipped work yesterday, I just honestly did not feel like tackling the world, I did not want to deal with anything.
I went to work today. I actually felt well, annoyed for not coming in. I forget how supportive and family-like my department in Banana-land is. Sometimes I just wish we lived together.
I think another thing that’s bugging me about work which I just need to get over is that I feel threatened by the new hires (both the co-ops and the permanent hires). I enjoyed being the young hot-shot. It was fun. But, I’ve got to make the transition to being a consistent team member, I don’t always have to turn in something spectacular, in fact the things I think are spectacular, are often not seen as such by others, and the things that I think are mundane others think are spectacular. I still cannot get over the moment in an interview with my (former) supervisor where he had to ask the question “Name a time when you went above and beyond what was expected of you.” I was really unable to answer the question, whereas he had a cornucopia of answers to fill the question.
Ack, enough random meandering about… its time for bed.. g’night.