Now is as good a time as any

I’m in Wyoming right now.

On Monday, I didn’t plan on being in Wyoming or anywhere near it.

I just watched a beautiful sunset over the mountains, and watched my boys enjoy themselves wandering around the foliage.

Four days ago I made what many people would call an irrational decision. I was at starbucks in downtown Cincinnati, essentially playing hooky from work. (Okay, I don’t quite view it that way most of the time. I get what I need to get done at work.)

But to the point. I was sitting there, coming to the realization that I was miserable in so many aspects of my life. Fundamentally I kept repeating to myself that “I can’t do this anymore.” Realistically, when someone is at this juncture there are two options: 1. Suicide. 2. Drastic change. So I made the decision then and there to move to Seattle, and I went about carrying out that objective immediately.

And I mean immediately. I went picked up a prescription, went back to work, cleaned out my desk of some important things, wrote an email that would only be delivered in 30 minutes, to my supervisors and coworkers that I was leaving, and I left. I went to AAA requested a Triptik, then went to Kroger and bought some necessary items, went home and packed some necessary items, loaded the cats in the car, dropped off my DSL modem, picked up my Triptik and left. From decision, to leaving: 5.5 hours.

Many people are surprised at what they see as an irrational decision. They’re right. It was an irrational decision. But there is the falsehood that people somehow expect others to be rational especially with the big decisions in one’s life.

People aren’t rational. If you go back and read the beginning of my blog, you’ll see me struggling with trying to rationalize love and loss of love. I’ve come to the conclusion that love isn’t rational. You can’t and shouldn’t attempt to rationalize it.

In the same way happiness is irrational. You can back rationalize it, but ultimately happiness is a mysterious concept that isn’t rational and cannot be rationalized.

So, I’m taking a leap, a leap of faith. I’m scared shitless. There is so much risk that I just assumed, but I have faith that I’m making the right decision, I have faith that things will find their way towards what they’re supposed to be, I have faith in my ability to understand and surmount the challenges that I’ve brought upon myself.