Archive for 2009

Excuse me while I blow the dust off of this…

I’m not really quite sure about how I want to go forward blogging. I’ven’t really had the urge to write lately. I might blame this on the little 100 to 300 word dities that I write all the time on work. (e.g. notes of the phone calls I have with customers.)

I think I want to write about my cats more or something… Eric has suggested against this, but I embrace my insane feline occupied insane home life. I’m just aware of the problems of cat proximity.

In other news I’ve rediscovered the joy of “Spilling Open” something I did back for the “Creative Writing” class I took in my last year of Upper School.

extracurricularsalmon: I don’t believe your lies.
nickb: neither do I.
extracurricularsalmon: You crazy bot, you.
nickb: You know me you crazy fish.
extracurricularsalmon: For sure.
extracurricularsalmon: I just pooped a lowercase Q.
nickb: but you typed an uppercase Q
extracurricularsalmon: It’s easier to differentiate than a lowercase q
nickb: true.
nickb: its sexier for sure.
extracurricularsalmon: So this screen name popped up in my recent buddies list
nickb: heh, interesting.
extracurricularsalmon: I’m guessing you’re not pitifulcoho
nickb: nope, I’m much more of a land lubber.
extracurricularsalmon: land lubber, huh?
nickb: yeah… small obesssion with feline…
extracurricularsalmon: zoophilia or furrism?
nickb: There are crazy cats who moved in with me several years ago.
extracurricularsalmon: did you stick it in the pink wink or do you just yiff?
nickb: huh?
extracurricularsalmon: yup

Eeeewwwww! There’s a lotta dust and cobwebs in this place!

I’ven’t posted anything on this blog since May, and I’ven’t

I’ve been exploring the concept of headspace lately. Playing within the kinky world has brought this concept really close to the surface, but I see applications of the concept as I move throughout my life.

I wrote this on a specialized depression support group forum, but this must be shared:

The most insidious thing about depression is that we start to see life through shit colored glasses.

It can be hard at times, but when things are looking really shitty, I ask myself two questions:

1. How could this be worse? (It couldn’t be worse isn’t an allowed answer.)
2. What is good about this situation? (Everything has an upside, even if you have to work a backwards way through it. E.g. “I will be stronger, and more understanding of myself.”)

I don’t allow myself the right to allow myself to dwell on depressive thoughts: I have not earned that right. To reinforce this, I remind myself of the story told by Viktor Frankl of people in the internment camps who chose, even under those circumstances that they would be compassionate toward their fellow man. Until I have dealt with that, I don’t have the right to dwell on my depressive thoughts.

I find myself with an interesting set of conundrums with interpersonal connections.

I’m entering the joyful world of developing new connections, close and deep connections with someone who I hope to get to know better.

I’m also stuck with the dreadful task of having a discussion with a dear friend acknowledging that connections are gone, and we should cherish and embrace the past for what it was.