Honoring the Journey
I was a teenager when I came out to my family. I naively expected everyone to jump right behind me and support me unconditionally and fully. This was asking far too much of those around me. Those around me didn’t know who I really was; they’d assumed that I was straight and filled in a stock story for who I was. But, when I came out a different stock story was substituted.
Most people have trouble with change, and when change comes they assume the worst. So in a situation like this people pick out the stock story that scares them the most. Thus when I came out in the late 1990’s my parents dropped in the story of promiscuous young gay men that just have sex left and right with whomever, because that story was one that was reasonably common in the cultural sphere, and due to the potential for sexually transmitted diseases it is scary.
My parents, friends, and family have moved well beyond that worst case set of stock expectations, and now have a realistic view of who I am, because they’ve gone on a journey learning more about me; That stock story has been replaced by the actual story. Our journey took time, soul searching, discussions, questions, and tense moments. But it was a journey that my parents, family, friends and I went on, and we’ve grown stronger for it.
When I wrote Mormons: Standing on the Side of Love my intent was to honor and accept the journey that members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are embarking on. It is not an easy journey that they have embarked upon.
Advocates for equality want to get to equality now, or yesterday if possible. However, the journey is what is more important. People need to go on the journey of having their beliefs challenged and changed. Jane Skrovota’s testimony to Lincoln Nebraska City Council hearing is a bit surreal, but ultimately it is an accurate pastiche of the disturbing unchallenged story that many anti-GLBT activists believe is an accurate description of the lives of GLBT people.
It’s an important moment when individuals or a group realize that the old disturbing story is not correct, and really begin to see people and groups for who they really are. The most important part of President Obama’s interview was not when he stated that gay couples should be able to get married, it was when shared his journey and thought process of why he changed his position. He was confronted with real GLBT people, and this confrontation washed out those false stories. This helped him realize his previous position was wrong.
Arriving at the destination is not the most important piece to celebrate of a when seeking social justice, it is recognizing and honoring that people have embarked upon the journey to enhance social justice, even if they’re further behind on the path than you’d like, at least you know they’re headed in the same direction.