February 01, 2003
Chasing Amy
Chasing Amy Probably the best movie I know.
I just rewatched the scene where the title from the movie comes from. Except it doesn't fit me, and I want to graft it onto someone else. I want them full heartily to believe what Silent Bob says.
But just yesterday I pushed him out, I told him that I wouldn't be contacting him anymore. I gave the few printed pictures I had of him to a friend to hold, because I didn't want to see it. I took the link to his blog off my eJournal page.
I talked with Sean last night. and one thing I know that part of my personality requires, demands and needs to have someone who i place at the top above myself, and that he places me at the top above himself. This is so fundamentally a part of myself, that i honestly do not feel whole unless that person is there.
When I'm single I'm half a being, never fully complete. The greeks make the most sense. They believed that people were beings with four hands, four feet, two faces and two of everything, essentially two humans fused into one being, but they pissed off the gods, and were separated, and condemned to search for their other half.
What i think is most painful is not not finding your other half but finding who you think your other half is, and then losing them, because of your stupidity or a misstep.
But I found myself bound by a promise. One I made to someone I've never met that I never will met that I intend to keep. That is to put the interests of the person who I think is my other half above those of my own.
To that person, I will leave you alone because I cannot make that transition towards being friends, but I will be here, willing and wanting to give you all the time in the world until you feel comfortable and I promise not to chase you away, only if you will let me back in, because I don't want to spend every day Chasing Amy.
So this has nothin to do with the whole Chasing Amy movie entry but i was looking recently for things about the Hyde School and your journal thing came up in the search so i clicked & scrolled down. I found the small entry you wrote about the hyde School website and I cringed before proceeding to read your entry for fear that you would be criticising Hyde, thankfully you did not.
You mentioned that your teacher from Prep school now taught there, well he/she is definately a lucky person. I went to the Hyde School and hated it for an entire year but after 3 years there i graduated and never knew i could love a place so much, it entirely allowed me to change my life. Those "marketing" principles are not just for marketing, Hyde school gets enormous criticism (and praise) for their unorthodox teaching methods; but i can assure you it is a legitimate place that does not just flash around hope filled words with no follow through. I hope you continue to look at the website. Its a wonderful concept that will eventually revolutionize education. Have a good day, and understand that the world around you may seem like it is filled with people whom lack courage, integrity, etc.(as you mentioned) but their must be people to fight the "good fight" so that those people can stop pretending that they are as heartless and unbreakable as they want the world to think they are; give it time, give it love. * Meghan