February 02, 2003
A Response
In the past few entries I've been referring to someone who I dated.
I have done this person the service of not mentioning his name, but instead only mentioned him by reference to provide way in which to define and latch on my feelings.
He has placed a large commentary in his blog, and I removed the trackback pings, as to afford him his privacy.
In case anyone missed it I've been hurting a whole lot lately, and my life went from peachy keen, to pretty much in shambles, and I've been trying to grasp onto something that I think can be fixed or tried again.
In my direct communication with the aforementioned person, that has been my theme, lets try again, because I wasn't done, and I'm not convinced.
I've done my best to remove the aforementioned person from my life, and place him in the box of January that he exists in, because I cannot deal with letting those feelings rule my life, and I cannot stop them, so they must be boxed and removed.
To that person I have no desire to fight with you or to bitch slap you. I do have a desire to rid myself of my hurtful emotions, and for better or worse, this eJournal is the place.
This is the last time I will say it:
All I want is to try again.
I can kinda see both sides of the story and have my own opinion on it, but I'll keep that to myself.
But one thing that I hope both of you know already is that with every experience, there is something to be learned by all involved, a little (and sometimes grand) treasure to take with you the rest of your life. (Yes, I know this is very campy and hokey, but bear with me.) I hope both of you, no matter what transpires, can avoid a petty and bitter back-and-forth argument online and take time to think about what there is for you to gain from this experience and move on with your life. Don't let one person get to you......there are other (and possibly better) avenues to explore and enjoy in life.
I'm going to try to say something in the most caring way possible, given the fact that I am biased by my friendship/concern for "the aforementioned person" (you spelled his name wrong, btw, a few posts ago).
You may want to try counseling. I think it might help you. It really seems like you need to work this thing out, and doing it the way you have been doing it is tearing up my best friend a little, which also tears me up a little.
Other than that, I hope the two of you can be friends, and I hope that you stick firm to the statement that you won't pressure him anymore. He has enough stress in his life to go on feeling bad about not wanting to be in a relationship with you.
Jordan,
Thank you for your comments, and yes I do have and am seeing a counsleor, but an hour a week just isn't enough at the moment. And well my feelings and disposition towards the afformentioned person, change frequently, and seem to be more balanced when its time to see my counsleor.