March 05, 2003
Keep Moving
If you asked me ten minutes ago where I was going in life I would've said nowhere or maybe I would've said circles.
But, I just read my journal from my New England Immersion. While I wouldn't say I'm a totally different person I am no longer the confined 17 year old boy that I was.
I was so closeted back then at least two journal entries dealt with being gay. I had forgotten that I cam out Junior year.. I usually say senior year was when I came out. That is when I came out to my parents, but I was partially out at school junior year. To this day I'm amazed that it didn't spread like wildfire across campus.
The thing that is most amazing to me is that I am amazed at how scared I was to be myself, to be out and be open. While in all actuality I don't proclaim to the world all my interests (thats what the PeJournal is for) But to those close to me and who I know won't use it against me I will tell about anything. I'm much more open than I used to be.
I also got that picture of a teenager desperate for connections to people. That Still really hasn't changed, except I would say I'm looking for meaningful connections.
In looking at my journal I would say that it was a seminal time for me in my life.. I see there the decisions and observations that I made that shape the man I am today.
I need to know that I am moving forward, even when it doesn't appear to be so; I am moving forward.