July 19, 2003
Qualogical love
Is love only really love when its illogical? Stated differently is love when there is no logical benefit for yourself?
I got on this thread when I was thinking about my past relationships. I've been thinking about S, T, G, J, and D. (The alphabet soup lets me leave names out, bear with me.)
I got started on this thinking about when I went on a date with G, who is HIV positive. I know we talked on the phone a few times, and I saw him at work. I was the one to say that, "I like you as a friend but not romantically." He then basically accused me of not wanting to date him because he was HIV positive, despite the fact that I told him that his HIV status played no role in my deliberations.
This wasn't just a quick spur of the moment decision. I spent a good few days thinking about it and making sure that his HIV status wasn't a factor.
But I digress. My point is with G it was a logical process. I'm quite sure I could've flow charted my decision process. It was that logical.
But with S, and to some extent with T, it was just a feeling, something that swept me up. I quite remember with S and a bit with T attempting to explain my way to why I felt the way I felt or was doing what I was doing, but I just gave up finding no logical grounds for where I stand.
I think love logically can only be expressed as a tautology. I love ____ because he's _____. This works fine with family. (i.e. I love my mom because she's my mom.) It works well with socially recognized institutions. (i.e. Parenthood, Marriage.) But does a shitty job with boyfriends and relationships that don't fall in this category.
For instance, there is no reason to explain why I love Jenni; you just have to know us and our history, and even then its not quite logical. Whereas I can explain why I love my mom in eight words, most people would expect significantly more words to explain why I love Jenni or S. I feel perfectly justified in saying that "I love Jenni, because she's Jenni." Its not conditional, its not logical.
I believe love, when its true, only starts, but never stops.
I love S because he is S. It would be a lot easier if I could attach conditions to this, like I enjoy spending time with S ergo I love him. Because then I could apply logic to it. (i.e. I'm not spending anytime with S therefore I can't love him. See if that were true, I couldn't say I love S, but I do love S. (This love stuff is like Quantum Physics, forget about common sense.)
Okay two more letters, errr people to cover. No. I'm not going to cover J and D. Both of those are triumphs of biology over logic or love.
this was so funny. i happened upon this site because my friend was joking around and typing i love jenni in the search box. all the sudden she reads "i dont know why i love jenni" and i read this, and it fits me exactly. spelling and all. it excites me thoroughly that not only is my name in here, but it is something fitting of me and my relationships, and i have a friend named nick b. lol thank you for coincidence, and the truth as you put it in this site.....jenni
This is silly but I found this post over google just playing around with my name- while I don't know any Nick B. I've spent the last three days obsessing over what emotion (specifically love)really is, Jenni.