The Good Neighbor, with the Missile

I have a strange habit of reading everything. I’m the guy who reads the credit card agreement, the insurance statement, the back of the milk carton, the front of the milk carton, the cereal box next to the milk carton, the junk mail under the cereal box next to the milk carton, etc..

I found a little gem in my State Farm renter’s policy. One of the losses that is covered are losses caused by “Aircraft, including self-propelled missiles and spacecraft.” I’m happy that I’m covered in case the Space Shuttle or a Soyuz capsule careens into my apartment.

What bothers me is the self-propelled missile part. I know there are such things, but later in the policy there is a standard exclusion for “War, including any undeclared war, civil war, insurrection, rebellion, revolution, warlike act by a military force or military personnel, destruction or seizure or use for a military purpose, and including any consequence of any of these. Discharge of a nuclear weapon shall be deemed a warlike act even if accidental.” Okay so logically reasoning through these two clauses we can come up with the fact that there are non-military self-propelled missiles? Who has these? Hopefully not Walmart or some other evil corporation. (Okay I know their CEO’s are Dr. Evils in training, but still.) So who has the self-propelled missiles??? Please will someone tell me? Now note its not a satellite launching rocket, as that isn’t a missile.

Okay so maybe I’m a bit paranoid, but I want to know who has the missiles, but is not the military? Next thing you know the kid down the street is going to be playing with AK-47s, and there are rocket launchers next to the door bell buttons to repel the door to door salesmen that are coming now that the do not call list is in effect. Now that’ll be the day. But I at least I’m insured against the self-propelled missiles.