Nick's Place

June 30, 2008

Passing the Torch

Gay and lesbian persons no longer have to lie about their sexuality, all the time. Indeed as they rightfully challenge the tradition bound concept of, marriage, I trust that they will fully enjoy all of its rights and privileges, in my lifetime.

I'm overwhelmed with a feeling that I don't quite understand. I think it is related to gratitude and hope. It seems to also be the a curious cousin of schadenfreude. I would describe it as pleasure derived from somebody else's hope and vision.

I recently made a decision to not work on social issues that would directly benefit myself. In many ways, I have been following this for quite some time, I just haven't stated it as such. This isn't to say that I won't show up at a march for gay marriage rights, or sign a petition in support of gay marriage rights, but I'm not going to editorialize for gay marriage, or organize that march.

I've been thinking back to the work I did with Lambda Union and the plays I directed at Wright State. One of the things that struck me about that period is how shortsighted in vision and demanding I was of others.

One of the things I did at Wright State when I lived in the dorm, is that I insisted that if my roommates wanted to have a woman over for an overnight stay, they had to allow me to have a man over for an overnight stay. They refused to allow me to have a man for an overnight stay, so I didn't allow them to have a woman over for an overnight stay. (If they had known the status of my dating life at the time, they could've made a pretty good bet that I'd not have had anyone over, but I digress.)
In the end I injured their romantic life because of their discomfort. This did not improve their impression of gay people nor did it improve the general social environment.

Take a more recent example:

I was meeting potential roommates almost a year ago. When I first met my current roommate the biggest thing that gave me pause, is that he was from the middle of nowhere Nebraska. (Otherwise known as Laurel, Nebraska.) I know I'm applying a stereotype here, but Laurel, Nebraska doesn't come to mind as being a pinnacle of GLBT tolerance.

After I calmed my irrational fears about living with an 18 year old from Nebraska, we developed a great and mutually respectful relationship. The whole having people over thing hasn't ever become an issue. (Well, except for the one night the cats slept with him in his bed, because having cats attempt to sleep on your bed while you're making out with someone is well, unsexy, and the cats are just used to sleeping next to a human.)

The results here? At least one stereotype debunked (mine) and probably some of my roommate's stereotypes debunked as well.

I know this is how I've personally interacted with others, but I've approached advocacy work in much the same way.

The bottom line is I honestly don't think I can have the appropriate mix of detachment, patience, and wisdom when working on GLBT issues. They're just too personal for me.

In many ways, I think this may be partially at the core of the reoccurring and historical infighting with GLBT organizations. Fighting for your own rights is almost necessarily an emotional endeavor. It is rare that a grass roots group has a leader with the vision and skill to channel that energy to positive ends.

So when I someone powerfully states they trust that GLBT people will be allowed to marry and "...will fully enjoy all of its rights and privileges, in my lifetime." It is immensely gratifying to know that while I'm not working on GLBT issues, others are carrying that torch with the wisdom and balance that it requires and deserves.

I want to say something to your "Passing the Torch" post, but whatever I say seems so inadequate.

I wonder if I'm mature enough to hold that torch.