April 05, 2005
Origin Ruminations 3
First off, Kudos to Marshall.
I've been rethinking Origin Ruminations 2.
I'm convinced now that it is crap.
I'm not going to pull back from Origin Ruminations. While Two is about positing why a First cause exists, One is about just finding somewhere to place the world upon.
How'd I get here? I read my philosophy professor's paper arguing for a first cause. I began to realize that the people who will argue for a First cause, often honestly don't give a rats ass about developing a secular framework on which to rest the the world, but instead are taking the backdoor to proving a god.
I've been redebating some of these ideas. My understanding of the Buddhist tradition is that there is no need for such constructs. To quote Marshal: "universe a single, unified, conscious, eternal, super-material entity."
But the other question is can reality be a loop? This would remove the need for a first cause and remove the need to speculate that the universe is infinitely existing and somehow attempt to justify that. I'ven't thought more on how this would work, but it definitely is an idea that I'ven't seen explored, but I might delve into it more.
April 11, 2005
Emotional Triggers
I'm always disturbed how my synapses work.
Specifically there are songs, locations, and things that can instantly remind me of painful fustrating annoying memories.
I'd like to be able to enjoy these
There is more than stuff.
I'm surprised that in some way I'm sorry Pope John Paul II died. I'm not catholic, the closest I've ever got to there was that I was raised in a protestant church. For those of you who just said same difference, they're not the same. Comparing a catholic and a protestant is like comparing a New Yorker and a Midwesterner. They both look up (or down as the case may be.) to the same government, media, etc. But really its a miracle Kansas and New York City are in the same country, let alone the same continent.
But one of the senses of loss is from knowing that we've lost a man who understood the nuances and downsides to both communism and capitalism. John Paul is credited with assisting with the downfall of communism. But, he also preached against excessive materialism.
I bought an iPod mini two Sundays ago. I felt, and to a lesser extent feel guilty for buying it. Why? Its not something I can justify as a necessity. Its a thing, a good, a slip into the trap of materialism.
I wonder if those who own huge mansions.. err houses are in general happy? (From a statistics standpoint they're no happier than the next man.) See the thing is I've been there. I used to live in a $200,000 house (in the midwest) and quite frankly as a whole we were miserable.
I often wonder what people who make $43,000, $60,000 or $100,000 or $200,000 a year do with all that money? Its one thing if you're raising kids and saving for retirement. But I'm convinced that I would do fine making $30-35k. I'm making about $25,000 a year and with the exception of some hefty debt payments (left over from when I spent more than I earned.) I'm really doing quite well.
What I worry about is that materialism leads to a sense of entitlement, i.e. "I earned the money to buy it, so its my right to buy it." Related to this is "My job is worth this much to the company so I'm entitled to make at least that much." This whole line of reasoning denies the interdependence that we all share. Its nearly impossible today to be purely independent. Every profession relies upon other professions and each of us is ultimately dependent on one and other. Additionally by being purely money driven you deny other benefits not to mention that a job well done should be its own reward.
Back to the Pope. I'd love to believe that perfect communism would work. Unfortunately communism fails to account for the varied intents of people. Capitalism leads to materialism and ultimately greed. (e.g. Worldcom, Enron -- Both of these companies could have been perfectly ethical, profitable ventures, instead unchecked greed led to massive fraud and ultimately collapse.)
What does this mean for an individual? Simple, there are more things to the word than money and greed (while it sometimes can be a positive motivator) ultimately greed has costs that outweigh any money that you could earn.
Now time to go home and practice some discardia
April 24, 2005
Obligatory Checkin
I've been vamping lately. Getting the things that need to be done, done. My bike and car are both fixed. My dishes are (mostly) clean. I finally made that Banana Bread.
I'm a bit annoyed by where the Catholic Church has gone. To quote a co-worker, "Why does everything have to be so fucking conservative?" I read (among other articles) two at the New York Times, on Pope Benedict XVI. One right after his papacy was announced, and another looking at his history.
I can tell you right off he's not a fan of Nietzsche. This has kept me pondering why its such a necessary condition that people believe in something, or anything? I see metaphysics/epistemology as a way to agree on givens to structure a view of the world upon. They in and of themselves don't matter, they're just a methodology to ensure that Philosophy is somehow logically sound. I need to read more Buddhism, but I'm going to start with Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintence. Not quite Buddism, but I'm told its a good read, perhaps it will allow me to reinforce that moral relativism that every damn conservative is so worried about.
April 25, 2005
Vacuum layers
I vacuumed today.
I'm looking at the canister from my bagless vacuum and I'm disturbed its half full. I mean its got this really nice layered look that reminds me of those expensive sand and oil things that people get to "meditate."
Its just a bit frustrating that I've waited long enough to get a half full canister. I don't have a big apartment so there has been a bunch of dust collecting at the bottom....
Next up, Tales from The Toilet: The Deep Adventure!
April 29, 2005
Echos of the Past
Its been one of those odd nights.
There are a bunch of decisions I made back during 2002 and 2003 that I still think are good ones, but they haunt me because I wish other people also would adopt them. These aren't small yes or no decisions, but broad decisions about how I want to live my life.
The one that is particularly haunting me is that I decided to very firmly believe that I am the only person who controls my emotions and attitudes. This is not to say that I'm not influenced by others. For example, when someone pisses me off, I of course credit them for instigating the state of being pissed off, but I also recognize that I have allowed myself to be pissed off by their actions. The emotion is mine and mine alone. Attached to this is that I do my damnedest to keep a balance equilibrium. Meaning that I might've had a day where I was pushed and battered by all sorts of instigators during the day, but for the most part I kept my cool, and by the end of the day I'm back to my equilibrium.
Similarly when I make a stupid decision I make a point to own that decision and the consequences of it.
My problem is that one of my friends that I hang out with a bunch doesn't subscribe to the balanced equilibrium theory. His moods last for weeks, during which he's not fun or even interesting to be around. I'm at the point where I'm just not going to spend any time with him, it just isn't worth my time. I understand the concept of being there to support someone, but it doesn't feel like I'm even doing that.
Adding fuel to my current confusion is that I've had someone who has re-entered my life from my seminal 2002 and 2003 period. The ironic thing is that during the time I was with him I exhibited the antithesis of being in control of my emotions and attitudes.
Topping all this off, I've been struggling with wanting to add something onto my plate. I feel a wee-bit unfulfilled. I'm missing some combination of musical vocal performance, theatrical work, or community service. All those activities have at one time or another played a huge role in my life and I found them incredibly rewarding. Although now they play virtually no role in my life.
The problem here is that I am already busy, and I've been burnt on all three of them at one time or another. Unsurprisingly mostly of the roasting occurred during the 2002 and 2003 period.
My echoes are finding me. Time, decisions and emotions ripple through my fabric, disorienting me, forcing me to choose what I want to hold onto.