Nick's Place

The social phenomenon that is undergoing continual change, and study is the process that young homosexual men and women go through known as “Coming Out.” This is of interest because of my personal experiences coming out, and of a personal desire to understand the struggles of homosexuals, especially young homosexuals on both a theoretical and individual basis.

Historical and Geographic Review of The Closet and Coming Out

To provide a proper examination of the process coming out of the closet homosexuality must be examined throughout the history of America and Europe. Homosexuality has been noted since the Greeks. (Plato ) During much of the history of Europe after the Greek's dominance, homosexuality was considered a deviant behavior, and records of it are sporadic and unreliable. What is important is that during the dominance of the Catholic Church up until the 1880's the roots of homophobia were predicated on biblical interpretation. During this time the science embraced the ideology of progress and perfectibility. A discipline known as alienism, which applied a medical model to human behavior, interpreted homosexuality in terms of a sickness versus a theological root as sin or evil. These alienismists suffered from the Darwinian ideas that promoted “natural” as a part of “natural selection.” They also considered if environmental conditions. These American scientists looked at and rejected the work of Magnus Hirschfeld and the Scientific Humanitarian Committee that called for the “normalization” and 'emancipation' of homosexuals; instead they participated in the stigmatization and marginalization of the American Homosexual. American scientists tended to discuss the isolation of homosexuals via castration, sterilization, and confinement. The isolation and marginalization of homosexuals was symptomatic of the desire to increase social control, and reduce social evils through interventionist methods. The official medical marginalization of homosexuals continued until 1973 when the American Psychological Association removed homosexuality as a pathology. (Hatheway 1999) Several fringe medical professionals continue normalization efforts of homosexuals.

Literature Review

Much of the theoretical explanations of could be crudely extrapolated from the several analyses of gender and heterosexuality, the first notable study concerning the psychological and sociological adjustments needed by gay men to accept, commit, and settle into the self-image as a homosexual man had several positive psychological benefits. (Hammersmith, and Weinberg 1973) A later study concerned themselves with the effects of stereotypes on both homo- and heterosexual men. They concluded that all men generally hold the same networks of stereotypes and the same perceptions of gay and straight men. It also concluded that a homosexual identity as expected by social identity theory, was highly identifying but unsatisfying. (Simon, Glässner-Bayerl, Stratenwerth 1991) Later research confirmed that a gay-identity provided a strong basis for sexual freedom, but was still somewhat unsatisfying. Three fundamental steps of realizing a gay identity were identified an engaging in the mass heterosexual society; discovery of difference via sexuality; and a complete realization based on relationships that erotize similarity. (Connell 1992) Other researchers have also identified that establishing a gay-identity is a part of a much larger realization that all young men progress through. (Schiltz 1998)

Methods and Research Design

This research will be conducted during May 2001, with college age people in associated with Wright State University. While most subjects will be between the ages of seventeen and twenty-seven, a limited number of older subjects may be included in the population to provide a comparison. The topic is defined to the process of coming out for gay and lesbian teenagers and young adults, and there has been previous research into this topic before beginning the interviews.

The primary investigative tool that will be used is the semi-structured interview format. The four predetermined questions below will provide the basic framework to the interview and will be asked in order. The researcher will use probes to clarify the interviewee's responses. The questions are

1. Why did you choose to come out of the closet?

2. If you experienced homophobia before coming out, how did it affect your fears/thoughts?

3. What age did you come out of the closet?

4. Who did you choose to tell first?

Description of Respondents in Survey

The respondents that I have chosen attend Wright State University. All of them are members of Lambda, the GLBTQ organization on campus. All, but one live on campus. All have full class loads, and complained about having to take time out of their schedules to be interviewed, but all understood the importance involved in researching this phenomenon.

After times were agreed upon, they told me some rudimentary information about themselves. They all feel that they are pretty good students, but I decided not to ask for grade point averages. Of the interviewees who have decided a major, all feel very satisfied with their choice in majors and schools.

Jeff was depressed and looking for a relationship

Jeff is a twenty-year-old gay male student at Wright State University, majoring in engineering. He is a residential student, who comes from Findlay, Ohio. I interviewed Jeff on Saturday May 19, 2001 around 9PM by asking him the four predetermined questions, and additional unscheduled probes.

Interviewer: Why did you choose to come out of the closet?
Jeff: I didn't see staying in "the closet" as being an option. Everyone would like me for something that I wasn't, so I has to tell as many of them as possible so that I knew that people actually liked me, all of me, and if they didn't I would know that.
Interviewer: So was being accepted after you came out of the closet important?
Jeff: Yes, but I was assuming they wouldn't before the fact and that was just depressing
Interviewer: I'm confused, you assumed that they didn't accept you before you came out?
Jeff: Yeah, I assumed the worst: that no one would like me, and that was depressing obviously.
Interviewer: okay, I understand now.
Interviewer: If you experienced homophobia before coming out, how did it affect your fears and thoughts?
Jeff: Well I always figured they knew what they were talking about, I was evil and mentally disturbed and just a freak.
Interviewer: So was it hard for you being told that you were a freak?
Jeff: I guess.
Interviewer: What age did you come out of the closet?
Jeff: 20, I guess.
Interviewer: Why did you wait till then?
Jeff: Simple, since all GLBTs are freaks I obviously wasn't one unfortunately that strategy doesn't work.
Interviewer: How so?
Jeff: There is a need for meaning in life to have a relationship
Interviewer: okay.
Interviewer: Who did you choose to tell first?
Jeff: well, I don't think I volunteered it at first
Interviewer: Are you saying that they found out?

Jeff: Well, I think the first non-gay person to know was in front near the gay club...I got to conversing. Like what was I doing there...
Interviewer: Okay, of all the people who know you personally, who was the first person you told that you were gay, who didn't already know?
Jeff: My mom I guess.
Interviewer: Okay, what did she say?
Jeff: Well the one thing that I remember is the, "Oh...well you always were a little ...different."
Interviewer: Interesting -- did you always feel a "little different"?
Jeff: No, I always felt that everyone else was just wrong
Interviewer: Wrong in every way?
Jeff: no
Interviewer: Wrong how then?
Jeff: I don't know, I never felt the need to conform.

Brian met someone first

I began my interview with Brian on Saturday, May 19, 2001 at around 10 PM. Brian is an eighteen-year-old male, Wright State University Student, living on campus; he is undecided as to his major. His home is in Cincinnati, Ohio. I interviewed Brian by asking him the four predetermined questions, and additional unscheduled probes.

Interviewer: Why did you choose to come out of the closet?
Brian: Because I was tired of sneaking around (per say) and I figured that anyone in my life who would abandon me for this reason was not worth having there, so I should be able to be me and not what people want me to be.
Interviewer: Okay, if you experienced homophobia before coming out, how did it affect your fears and thoughts?
Brian: I was terrified at times like that because in my mind they were talking about me, and I didn't want to have to deal with that type of negativity from people, and it especially hurt when it came from people whom I was close to because I felt they would not look at me, as me anymore.
Interviewer: Did you feel like you couldn't say anything, against other's negativity?
Brian: Well, depending on who I was with, I sometimes would keep quiet, other times I could step in and say that it isn't right to speak of people that way, or fight back for the people they were insulting saying, "they are no different", but the one thing I never EVER did, was join in with them to keep the attention off the fact that I might be.
Interviewer: What age did you come out of the closet?
Brian: Seventeen, it has been about a year now
Interviewer: Okay, why did you choose to come out then?
Brian: I met up with a boy last summer who was my age and gay, he wasn't out with everyone, but he told me because he thought from the beginning that I was, and he made me feel better than anyone had before. We weren't even in a relationship physical or emotional, but it was someone to talk to, and that's when I decided that it was time to come to grips with this because I thought I'd be miserable if I didn't.
Interviewer: Okay, who did you choose to tell first?
Brian: He was the first I told, but in terms of anyone else, I chose to tell my older sister because she and I told each other everything.

Interviewer: Okay, did you feel you had a really trusting relationship with each other?
Brian: Yes, I did, I know I could trust her with anything

Joseph was tired of lying

Joseph is a male twenty-four year old senior at Wright State University, who lives on campus. He is a nursing major. I interviewed him on Sunday, May 20, 2001 at around 8 PM. I interviewed Joseph by asking him the four predetermined questions, and additional unscheduled probes.

Interviewer: Why did you choose to come out of the closet?

Joseph: Because, I was tired of living a repressed life, and was tired of living a lie. I felt as though I was always hiding who I was, and that I was not going to be happy until I was not only honest with myself, but the people around me as well. Also, I felt it was time to start acting on my emotions and desires. I would never live up to any of my potential if I didn't start with honesty first.

Interviewer: If you experienced homophobia before coming out, how did it affect your fears and thoughts?

Joseph: I've been very lucky. I have not experienced many negative events. Mostly just verbal abuse as a child, but it did create such a feeling of fear. Fear that I would never belong anywhere. I thought I was bad, and was not worthy of anything good or happy in my life.

Interviewer: Did you feel the verbal abuse was purposeful, or just mostly a lack of understanding from those around you?

Joseph: Looking back I do realize that it was children just trying to be mean. They hear these things from adults and do realize they hurt, but don't truly understand the full weight of it all.

Interviewer: Okay, what age did you come out of the closet?

Joseph: Oh, give me a minute to think here, about 20 I think, but I'm not completely sure anymore.

Interviewer: Okay. Who did you choose to tell first?

Joseph: My best friend Kasey. I was closest with her at the time and she was always supportive of me no matter what, so she was first.

Interviewer: How long did you know Kasey, at that time?

Joseph: About seventeen or eighteen years.

Interviewer: So you knew her since you were two or three?

Joseph: Wait, I was in the waiting room at the hospital, but was very young when she was born, let me rethink that a minute, no that sounds pretty damn close! I think that's it give or take a year either way!

Interviewer: okay - so you've known her just about your whole life?

Joseph: Yes, we grew up together

Cliff: Now single-lifed

Cliff is a male twenty-year-old Wright State University theatre studies student. He commutes from Miami Township. I interviewed him around 6PM on Sunday May 20, 2001. I interview Cliff by asking him the four predetermined questions, and additional unscheduled probes.

Interviewer: Why did you choose to come out of the closet?

Cliff: I became very tired, an annoyed with living a "double-life" and I decided that if people couldn't accept me as I am that they really weren't worth having as friends.

Interviewer: If you experienced homophobia before coming out, how did it affect your fears and thoughts?

Cliff: Hum, I was aware of them, but I felt that I had gotten enough support from others that I just understood that those who spouted homophobic comments were just stupid narrow-minded idiots.

Interviewer: What age did you come out of the closet?

Cliff: Seventeen, Actually that is wrong -- I came out to my friend Jenny about the time I was thirteen, and I came out to another female friend, Katie, when I was fourteen or so. I usually think of it being seventeen, because that was when I started telling a lot of people.

Interviewer: Who, did you choose to tell first?

Cliff: Well, the first person I told all together was Jenny. I guess I told her because I really trusted her. We told, and still tell each other everything. After that I told my a few trusted teachers, and then my dad. He then told my mom, not ideal, but it worked.

Conclusion

All the students that I spoke with felt that coming out of the closet was something that was important for their further development. They all seemed to understand that to grow emotionally that they needed to fully accept themselves and be fully accepted by their community. Each used their own language to describe the closet, but all used language that had distinctly negative tones associated with the word's entomology. Only Jeff chose to reiterate the concept of the closet in his response. This suggests that each person has an internalized concept of the closet, and while this has been recognized by the GLBTQ community as a universal process, each person described it in their own personal terms.

Also interesting is that among the four men interviewed, all chose to come out to women first, before coming out to straight men within their communities. While this is interesting in itself, it is also interesting is what it suggests as to the structure of male-male and male-female relationships. That even in non-sexual relationships men feel closer and more comfortable with women. It also suggests that men who are questioning their sexuality do not feel comfortable around straight men. There are most probably multiple reasons for this but it points toward the fact that gender is a learned concept and that straight men are insecure if they feel that they are being pursued, instead of being the ones doing the pursuing.

This study is a reasonable start into considering the process of coming out for gay men at Wright State University, but the process should also be looked at for lesbian students, as well as looking at how this process has changed with the times. It would be interesting, and useful to compare several groups, a high-school aged group of people, a college-aged group of people, and a group between thirty and fifty-five years old. Important in this study would be to compare stories for each group based on the date that they came out. In addition I would surmise that there is a duality in the older groups, also t people who were less secure in their homosexuality, and as such followed the norms that society placed in front of them, and later realized that the life they were living was not true.

The scope of this study while limited, and as such cannot be referenced across the whole population, it is useful in beginning to understand the differences and commonalities shared by college aged homosexual people. There are several more unanswered questions that should be studied in further depth.

References

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