Nicholas Barnard PHL399 Desire: Falling into Love 1/13/03
I am writing about falling into “love” with a total lack of perspective created by time. My fall into “love” began two weeks ago, when Shawn left a message in response to my Yahoo! Personal ad.
The sensations of being attracted to Shawn have at best description been totally strange and irrational. I've expended time on attempting to rationalize how I feel about Shawn, and to rationalize my way out of how I feel about Shawn; I have had to declare defeat on this endeavor and concede that I cannot persuade my emotional/physical self with my intellectual self.
When I'm with Shawn I feel complete and physically I'm content; I do not longing anything, my desires are in large part fulfilled.
It seems as if I'm still describing my emotional response to Shawn though, but for me the emotional is the physical. Emotions to me are the first reaction to a response more innate and core than a thought. I often then am able to wrestle over these with more rational thought, and come up with a rational way of approaching the problem that I had initially had an emotional reaction to.
Physically being attracted to Shawn is in many ways embracing my more fundamental and deeper reactions. I know that I am attracted in a physical way to Shawn (in addition to other ways) but this I am unable to quantify why I am attracted to Shawn. So physically being attracted to Shawn is something of an autopilot response for me, I know not why I am, just that I am and that it feels good being attracted to Shawn.
So in a basic fundamental physical sense, my physical reaction to Shawn is one of chemicals, when I'm with him or thinking about him, I have positive brain chemicals flowing through my body and brain.