Nicholas Barnard Comments on Desire Book March 20, 2003
I have many concerns as to what audience you are focusing on. You've stated you want this to be a trade book, meaning not just “another philosophy book”. At the moment it is not properly written to be a trade book. If you look at the table of contents it strikingly mirrors that of your first childhood book. This is by and large a very traditional philosophy book as it lays out the givens, and then looks at the problem from many different angles.
I think before you go much further with this book you need to brainstorm different ways of organizing it. At the moment there is content that only seem grouped together into chapters because that was where it pretty much fit, but didn't really logically fit. (Some questions, why is there a “Religions” chapter and a “Protestant” chapter? In religions you've got Buddhism lumped in with Catholicism and Hinduism. There is no real logical reason for the ordering here that I was able to ascertain.)
Not to harp on the organization of the book, but I think you might come off with a much stronger product if you look at a more integrated, approach of the subject material. (i.e. Don't be bound by exploring an area, instead maybe look at social desires, then item based desires, the love desires, etc)
I would have to say what stands in the major way of this being a trade book vs. a run of the mill philosophy book is giving people hooks in which they can relate to the material. The insatiability chapter is both the best and worst chapter in the book. It is the best because it is immensely personal, to the point where I can see you reciting it while a little tipsy, but it's also too casual. I was actually quite amazed when I re-read it at the lack of referencing other philosophical works in the chapter; this despite the fact that Schopenhauer discusses insatiability in his work.
In this rambling, I'm trying to suggest that you structure it around specific desires and stories of specific desires. Why not when your daughter tried to buy the $150 phone is it not a good time to discuss vebenesque goods? (Well, all cell phones are amazingly expensive and subsidized by the carrier, thus your “$50” phone actually costs $200 to $300 to make, but you'd never buy it for that much, so they hike the prices on the plans and sell the phone for cheaper, ergo the contracts.) She is looking at the expensive phone in some ways because she wants to show it off, that is implicit in the use of it, people will see you using it, and its far more “fashionable” to be able to show the really expensive one than the cheap one.
What I'm really keep attempting to point at is organize it around specific desires, then put the religious, psychological, philosophical, political, and economic analysis of those desires, instead of the other way around.
Another consideration is what are you adding to the philosophical discussion? I see a great deal of summarizing and culling lots of wisdom together, but I don't see Dr. William Irvine adding any to the discussion. Perhaps this is in “The Meaning of Life” chapter, which we were denied. (Hey, I'm still waiting for your answer from my joking question in Symbolic Logic I, “What is the meaning of life?” I thought I finally was going to get it!)
In what follows I give my specific running notes taken from my copy. I have noted the chapter and some words from which the note references, some are small corrections for clarity etc, some are things to think about.
Introduction:
“This understanding allowed them to develop drugs like Prozac…” - I've been on a number of anti-depressants, and I'm not quite sure an appropriate description of depression. When I'm in a depressed state (not a depressed mood, which is passing, but a depressed state which is an continual state marked by both psychological and physical symptoms) I have desires to do things, but I find it physically difficult to do them, and psychologically find trouble forcing myself to do them.
Ch. 3:
“master of ourselves, we roam about />From birth…” - typo I think on the “>” (copied it from an email?)
Ch. 4:
“…half of the time—divorce.” - the statistics promoting this idea are fraught with errors. Some of them (I'm thinking lazy Christian right writers) have simply taken the yearly marriage rate and the yearly divorce rate and compared them, which of course this is not an accurate method. All in all the “half of the time” comment adds nothing to your argument and gives the reader a spot to quibble on.
“…respects preferable to their current earthly existence…” - this to me seems a logical spot to maybe discuss that desires, even deep ones can be overridden, it seems like a good spot. I also ran across an article once stating the suicide bombers are mentally competent, if this would be a help let me know and I'll look it up.
“Philosopher Christopher Janaway describes the will to…” - Where? I was looking for an in text source.
“So he can afford to purchase superfluous luxuries and thereby win the acceptance and admiration of his neighbors.” - this at least on the first read seemed to be too simplistic an argument, but perhaps it is on second look accurate, but my first response would be to inquire about working to acquire more comforts. (i.e. I can have something that makes me a lot more comfortable if I work 10 weeks a year, so why not do that, etc..)
“…he drives a car…” - while this used to be a valid point, I would state that in suburban settings it is a utilitarian necessity, whereas in a tighter settled area, with a more efficient and frequent public transportation system its an indicator of wealth. (i.e. In Dayton, Ohio a car is a utilitarian necessity for most people, but in New York City it's an indicator of wealth (hey, to rent a parking spot for it, and pay the insurance you could afford a nice mortgage payment in Dayton.)
“But a person who not only smokes a $50 cigar but lights it with a $100 bill literally has money to burn.” - The comment I had while reading this the first time was “What the hell?” It's a cute line, but how many people light cigars with $100 bills outside of fictional settings?
“… or $450,000 for a wrist watch.” -- If you're going to use the exact amount later in the text, use it here.
“…with tourbillion, perpetual calendar, minute-repeater…” - okay this means nothing to me, explain what this means, for all I know it is an overly technical description of what your $.99 watch from a cereal box does.
“…that the women of his time wore corsets…” - I would suggest adding in the bound feet of Chinese women, albeit they were bound to show that their husbands didn't have to do work, as well as to prevent them from leaving.
End of chapter - I wrote on first read “Tie the ending tighter”
Ch. 5
“oversize tennis racquet” - This doesn't in my mind tend to fit in with the rest of these items.
“…the cell phone mounted to the back of the seat…” - GTE/Verizon would not be pleased, its called an Airfone, a cell phone is technically a misnomer, yes its wireless, but the cells it operates on are huge, there are only 135 to cover the whole US, whereas there are probably this many cell phone towers easily covering western Ohio. (not to mention the one on top of Allyn hall.
“Internet access in their bedrooms—so I don't do it.” - While not a book comment, Why not? I've IM'd people in the same house, and even the same room, its an easy way to have a conversation without taking as much focus off of your work, and is an easy way to have a conversation about people in the room, without letting them know your having it.
“…my wife and I decided that she needed a cell phone.” - This is ambiguous; I know it is your daughter now, but I thought on my initial read it was your wife.
“I also recalled the Dick Tracy comics of my youth.” This whole paragraph is hyperbolic and almost unnecessary, why not describe the automatic opening doors at the grocery in terms of Star Trek, or cell phones in terms of communicators. (Its curious how the original series ones are larger than cell phones today.)
“If the philosophers and religious thinkers of many ages …” (whole paragraph) - How does this relate to the golden age of childhood, where children were kept in the dark?
Ch. 6
“Some hermit!” - umm this is too conversational.
“'Your haircut is fine'” - How is this euphemistic?
“Tyrants can legislate it into existence.” - Would Saddam be a better example? How about Stalin? Saparmurat Niyazov seems like an obscure example.
“The effort we invested in creating an image has been undermined.” (I'm not sure if it goes with this exact text, the note wasn't tied to a specific spot) -- What about negative attention? (i.e. people who just bitch and complain a lot)
“…emotional equivalent of a nuclear strike…” - Biological or Chemical weapons fit your metaphor better.
Ch. 7
“A Democrat might promise us freedom…” - This is blatantly political and really doesn't help the argument.
“nymphomania (for sex, in a woman)” -- While I looked it up, and by the dictionary definition the “… in a woman)” part is correct, but I sort of tend to believe that the actual usage has de-emphasized attaching this to either gender.
“…receded when he stooped…hanging fruit that receded when …” - are both usages of receded correct here? It would seem to me that hanging fruit lowering itself to my hand wouldn't be a condemnation.
“Most people also think the best way to meet the needs of people is through…” - Again an unnecessary political slant.
“… one's mind is left out of the loop.” - It might be worth commenting that this action is decided at the spinal cord, before the nerve impulse reaches the brain, therefore the brain is literally out of the loop.
“… most strikingly, a comatose person.” - Do we know there are no mental processes in a comatose person vs. a brain dead person?
Ch.8
“Should he crash it into a bridge abutment? Why not?” - my possibly sick sense of humor, and consistency suggests leaving it this as “Why?” only.
“…and will be once again uninterested when he is eighty.” - I believe less interested would be a better term than uninterested, people who are eighty still have sex. (As much as we don't like to think about it.)
“…taste for cricket (the game)…” - State it “for the game of cricket”
“…with real butter and real maple syrup…” - get more specific, this seems pedestrian for a fussy person.
“…what I call our defining desires…” - this is a bad term, I believe desire is more specific, maybe call them meta-desires, they're big desires defining smaller desires. Or maybe mega-desires?
“…ruled by her (or his)…” - you've used male pronouns consistently, don't change.
“…will call them Bookish People…” - is this too narrow a term? One could be devoted to understanding the world without picking up a book.
“Celebrities need other people but don't share…” - there are celebrities who don't want it. They are devoted to their area, for example acting or music. But they would be just as happy (if not happier?) without the fame.
Ch. 9
“(The official definition of the economic setback…) - isn't this a quickie yardstick? I thought a group of economists got to sit down and decide this.
“But as a measure of national well being, GDP statistics…” through “…own the right house and wear the right clothes.” - Is superfluous with the next section.
“…a very un-Thoreauvian thing to do, one might add…” - it's already added.
“…the capitalist might hem and haw.” - Huh? What is hem and haw?
“…one blue, one yellow, and one blue and yellow.” - I initially thought this was a typo, and spent about a good minute figuring it out, perhaps “…one blue, one yellow, and one both blue and yellow.”
“Awareness of Hotmail's product spread like a virus and at minimal cost to Hotmail.” - You negate the fact that Hotmail was an innovator (they were the first to offer web-email, before this it was terminal access or software on your personal computer) in an age of tech geek ness, so they got a lot of press too.
Ch. 10
“much American politics is aimed…” through “…they already pay no taxes.” -- Okay this is a standard argument, but how much are the individual classes paying as a percentage of income? In someway this argues that veblenequse consumption should be allowed to go unchecked.
Ch 11
“Why is oxygen odorless?” - For all we know oxygen might have receptors in the nasal cavity. The research (as well as casual observation) makes it possible that all of our O2 receptors are filled. (We lose the ability to continue smelling something after the receptors for that gas are all utilized and engaged with the molecules.)
“Suppose, for example, I say we are evolutionary programmed…” - Those that didn't reproduce weren't our ancestors. (okay I can't seem to fit this properly with a specific line, but I will let you deal with it.
“They not only don't think, but are as dumb as a rock.” -- This is a colloquium, but for something to be smart or dumb, it has to have the ability to think, I'ven't met a thinking rock yet.
“…is the color of hemoglobin…” - I believe only oxygenated hemoglobin is red.
“Besides determining how things smell, our …” through “… blind to almost all of the electromagnetic spectrum.” -- The scientific notation while technically correct is hard to follow.
“… it is because we are gene replication machines that have gotten uppity.” - So then are gay people defective gene reproduction machines or just support machines?
“…by the sages of the barroom.” - the word barroom got a “?” from me
At the end of this chapter, I brainstormed another possible title: “Desire: The Master Within”
Ch 13
“A Man sees a beautiful woman…” - A STRAIGHT man sees a beautiful woman…
Ch 14
“Body language was doubtless the first…” - doubtlessly or maybe undoubtedly?
“…different personality is as pointless as wishing they had a different eye color.” - bad example, there are contacts that can change your eye color. Maybe skin color as an example?
Ch 16
“A ball crosses the screen and contacts a second ball…” - this is a bad example, the software is simulating the real world.
“….us that if we do X, Y will…” -- insert then.
“(This rush, by the way, is pale in comparison to the …” - COME ON!
Ch 17
“…a few days later, will be back to his old, lower serotonin level.” - I would double check this, I was told by a medical doctor that neurotransmitter levels can't be measured accurately because by the time they insert a needle into you to measure them, they have already changed in response to the needle being inserted.
Ch 19
“…Christians can't - unless they are Mormons.)” -- Modern Mormonism has officially outlawed this. (In fact I believe it was a condition of Utah being allowed into the US as a state.)
Ch 20
“… for example, the Unitarians…” - Are they protestant? I've never seen or heard of them being lumped in with the other protestant religions.
“…devote their effort trying to keep down with the …” - This analogy is problematic. They're seeking uniformity, sticking with the status quo; therefore there are no Jones.
At the end of this chapter there was a suggestion as to organization: Put the communalists together in a separate chapter, the Christians together, the Buddhists/Hindus together?
Ch 21
“The n-word is obviously insulting…” - faggot would be another obviously insulting word (in British slang it is a cigarette) In addition spell these out and put them in quotes.
Ch 22
“(For the record, at least five ancients were….” - interesting, but what is the point?
I noted that my comments near the end were fewer and farther between, I'm not sure if this is because I got lazier or just the subject material was less familiar to me, so therefore I didn't have as many notes.