Deborah E. McDowell's essay “'It's Not Safe, Not Safe at All': Sexuality in Nella Larsen's Passing” does not strike any real chord with me. Perhaps the major reason behind this is I am not familiar with Nella Larsen's work in any manner. I know the title of the piece, that's all. What reviewing my notes on this I realized that this is another instance of a transplanted culture, that becomes a sub-culture of a larger culture, in this case Anglican, and does not fully fit in.
Anglo culture is male centric, this has been established numerous times. African American culture, I believe is not as easy to decide the dominate gender. Males dominate as a bread winner, but Females dominate in the family. This very fact was the focus of the Million Man March. Bringing males more centric to the leadership of the race, not as leaders of the whole group, but as leaders of the family, a very Anglican belief.
This is interestingly a very cultural homogenization that is being fought for, while sexually Gay and Lesbian organizations and individuals are fighting for de-homogenization of culture sexually.
There is nothing more in her essay that interests me. I will use the rest of this space discussing identity, specifically creating a gay identity.
Identity in many ways is a fluidic concept. We long for it, but everyone is born with an identity. What matters is which identity you have and which one you want. Cherríe Moraga's situation has gotten a thread started flowing through my head. We all are born with expectations. For me the expectation that I learned early on and embraced was that I'd go through school, get a well paying job, then find a wife and have 2.5 kids and live happily ever after. I believed, accepted, and embraced this ideal as a white, middle class male. Moraga embraced and fought against a very different ideal for a while, that she would be married to a man and be subservient to him. These ideals, while undoubtley a function of society and the self-replication of heterosexuality are troubling to homosexual people.
We homosexuals are taught through many channels what a norm is and what is expected of us, then undoubtedly we must redefine huge goals for ourselves, and redefine our self image. Psychologically this in my opinion is a huge task. I myself remember feeling like I had split personalities, one the was expected norm” heterosexual teenager, the other was what I always called “my true self”: the closeted homosexual teenager. I can remember this tearing me apart.
I can remember at the height of my depression, and cloudiness of my identity, just crying and wanting to be myself, without societal “conventions” getting in the way. While antedotally this is personally interesting to me, it is paralleled in statistical findings. Gay teenagers have a higher rate of suicide versus their straight peers, and I would also not be surprised if gay teenager had a higher rate of depression versus their straight peers.
What this means to the Gay and Lesbian Community as a whole is paramount the next steps that must be taken. I felt how I did I believe because of a lack of role models. Therefore I was abnormal in my mind and had to create a safe “normal” identity for myself in the rest of the world. Merging the “abnormal” self and the “normal” self for me was a gratifying and important experience, but one that caused much mental trauma. This experience for me was coming out. I hope that no other gay teenager will have to go through the coming out ritual. While it is a celebrated ritual within the Gay and Lesbian community it is a significance that we must emerge from heterosexuality or the “norm” to become true people.
As a group this creates teenagers who are in a silently persecuted minority. This is what must be rallied against. The fact that homosexuals have to come out and become themselves is unnatural. Gay Identity must not stand on its own. It must be a part of each of our individual identities. To separate and nurture it outside of our most comfortable identities is a disservice to ourselves, and homosexuality