Path to Enlightened Insanity

I did the unthinkable today. I turned off NPR. Deliberately. Not just any old NPR show, it was Fresh Air, one of the crown jewels of NPR, and usually one of the best shows.. I didn’t have a headache, I wasn’t parked and debating about having a “driveway moment” or getting into my house, and I didn’t want to listen to a CD. I just turned it off and drove in silence for the rest of the way home. (Admittedly driving in silence is actually not as bad as it seems at first. I actually at times enjoy it, but I digress.)

No. I turned it off because I was disgusted about the topic.

What topic would that be may you ask? I’ll let the summary for the Thursday, December 9, 2004 show speak for itself:

Bishop Gene Robinson is the first openly gay man to be ordained an Episcopal bishop. We’ll talk with Robinson, and also hear from Bishop Robert Duncan, the moderator of a group that was formed in opposition to his ordination.

By all accounts it should actually be an episode of Fresh Air that I would consider really enjoyable. To add to this recently I’ve considered reading The Advocate a chore. One of those things I should do not one of those things I want to do.

The reason I’ve become apathetic about almost anything gay-rights related, is well..

I’m tired of being a football.

I’m tired of hearing anti-gay rhetoric.

I’m tired of reading articles where a mother has to fight for the custody of her children.

I’m tired of monumental court cases to gain rights that heterosexuals have enjoyed since the dawn of society.

I’m tired of having a George W. Bush sign from my mother’s yard in my trunk, and wondering how my parents voted (and how they justify supporting discrimination against their son.)
I’m tired of reading and hearing that GLBT rights organizations have been out organized.

I’m tired of debating where exactly to move to be somewhere I’m not discriminated against.

I’m tired of being responsible for educating those around me that I’m “normal” and just like anyone else.

I’m tired of feeling that I am in no way represented by my government.

I’m tired of having no reasonable choice but to support a bigoted murderous government.

I’m tired of being a football.

There comes a time in chess, in war, in any game, in school, in life, when you realize that the odds of winning are horribly stacked against you and you must consider the option of changing course or retreat. Foolishly plodding on without being honest with yourself about the odds of achieving your goals is as dumb as deciding that if you continue to walk into a cinderbrick wall you’ll eventually get through to the room on the other side. (Yes, by the laws of physics eventually you will have worn down the wall, but this will be long after you’re fully bloodied and well past the age that it doesn’t matter anymore.)

So, I’m retreating. Its time for me to begin to plot a course out of this situation. Likely this means that part of my plans will be moving eventually, likely out of the country. Its not one of those things I’m thrilled about, but when the plan you’re on isn’t working, its time for a new plan, one that recognizes the realities of the situation, which I don’t care to recount.

I’m not exactly sure what the plan will be, or how it will take shape. All I know is that it will require much thought.

–Nick

Okay I cannot keep writing these PEIDMs that meander similar to this “I was at   (place)   and I overheard   (number)     (gender)   talking and desecrating the English language”.

So one last time. I’m sitting next to two early 20’s/late teens girls who are overusing the word like, and have a complete lack of imagination when it comes to adjectives.

So I’ve decided on a new solution to the problem; an eavesdropping critique form. Basically a form that i’ll have copies of around and just circle the appropriate comments. I’ll post it here when I’ve done it but for starters ares that are problems: “like” over-usage, poor and boring adjective usage, grammar comments (I despise that I’ve somehow acquired that English teacher ability to in real time detect grammar errors.), lack of volume varying, just being too damn long winded etc…

I think it would be quite fun.

Poems are too short

to really say anything.

So, I don’t write them.

I’ve sensed “that” season has started again. No its not the holiday season, all the signage and promotions for that started a few weeks ago. Usually this season starts the day after Thanksgiving.

What season is it?

The shopping season?

(No thats year round now silly.)

Its the onset of neuroticism. This is the season where all the pressures of the aforementioned holidays turn people into utter pricks and assholes. The congestion on the roads will increase, mad rushes at toy stores for inconsequential toys that’ll be forgotten in a few months anyway, over elaborate preparations for what really should be simple family affairs, and shopping, lots of shopping, followed by returns.

Me? I avoid this. As much of it as I can I avoid. I find the level of stress that people put themselves through for what are supposed to be enjoyable events quite insane, but then again its quite American. I think we have the most stressful vacations too while I’m at it. (Re: Nazi Parents)

So relax, everyone. Just stop and smell the tailpipes (or roses if you can find them).

My mom has a phrase: “There is no such thing as a family vacation, either you take the family or you take a vacation.” This also applies apparently to other people’s families as well.

In this instance the family in question is the director’s family. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they were there but once we got above three or four people it becomes a logistical mess, and there are enough compromises that I think nobody is truly happy, well at least I wasn’t really.

So at the end of the day as we were going home on the subway I split from the group and visited the WTC site. It was one of the three places on my list to see. (The list is: the WTC site, Central Park, and the SoHo Apple Store.) I can go to the other two on another trip, they won’t be dramatically different next time I’m here, but the WTC site is an evolving construction site/memorial now, and I know it will be different next time I’m in New York City.

I’d call it a construction site/museum exhibit now. I asked a friend who visited it a year or two ago what he thought of it, he said it was a tourist trap. Apparently the police have cracked down on the merchants in the area. The bathtub itself is quite well obscured from your average commuter. An obvious attempt to both keep tourists moving, and protect the psyche’s of New Yorkers.

I also found the very small memorial area.

There were several messages that peace and love are the only things that can overcome war and hate. My thoughts at the time: making war is easy, making peace is hard.

I think in general We Americans have chosen the easy road of late: spending binges on credit (personal, corporate, and public), war; black, white, blue and red views vs. views of grey and purple ambiguity; self-centeredness; and war.

I quite doubt we’ll do the hard things. Its not in our current nature. If America does, I’ll be back from wherever I am.

Okay I admit it I’m a dork. I’m currently on the 86th floor of the Empire State Building.

Well, given that I’ve been anti-coat this whole trip this is the first time I’ve been cold. Its not really the cold it the wind.

I’m disturbed that there is Twin Tower memorabilia at the observatory store. Somehow I think being reminded of it when I’m in the tallest building in this area of the country, well its bad taste. Sort of like morning breath on steroids.

Being in NYC and seeing the personal touchpoints of the 9/11 attacks, well its forced me to reconsider my feelings and thoughts… More on that later..

The film I worked on two years ago premiers in an hour or so. All I can think is that its a world away from where I am now in so many ways.

This entry must be short. (I’m writing it on the back of a Starbucks receipt @ Starbucks.) I’ve been debating of where to aim to move next. NYC? San Fran? Seattle? Canada?

I dunno.

You know, one of those implicit things about New York City: you walk a lot. I’ve actually not seen one of those bloblous people that are common in Ohio and Kentucky (One lives down the street from me. He has this bad habit of crossing the street barefoot and shirtless. Pleeze.)

But yeah, while some people have bellies, there are no grotesquely obese people that I’ve seen while I’ve been here. Maybe they’re all camping out in Brooklyn or on Long Island.. But they’re not in Manhattan.

Also, I’ven’t found the blue fairy, although I’ve not looked for her.

I just want to drop a quick note for posterity’s sake. I wrote the last three posts offline, and stored them in MarsEdit’s Drafts folder. When I went to post them online MarsEdit somehow lost the times I wrote the entries. (In the past its kept the post time.) So I had to guess at what they should be. So for the past three entries the finished writing time is a guess.

Yeah, I’m anal retentive.

You gotta stick to that Vice Presidential language. It seems to have served Dick well so, I feel the more I work his level of language in the better it’ll be.

So, well all in all this has been a great trip so far. It started out last night as I was packing and pre-preparing to go to work. (I went to work then directly to the airport.) In the middle of finishing up my packing, the electric goes out. So in addition to not being able to actually see what I’m packing, I’m also faced with the problem of ensuring that I turned off all the lights, because I’m not going to be at my apartment for a few days and I don’t want to leave a light on.

Okay so we started with the power going out while I was packing. Work went fine. Although on my way out getting a bagel at the local Brugglers, I ran into a coworker on my way in. This is wasn’t any coworker, this was the uberbitch, “this is my Kinko’s so do what I say” coworker. Given that we were both off the clock and she was nicely goading me on, I just ignored her.

So. I did make it to the airport on-time, which I consider a miracle. While I was waiting for my flight to take off there was a woman in tears because she had missed her flight because of TSA-Rape. (Or at least thats what it seemed like from her reaction.) While initially I thought she was grandstanding to get what she wanted given her personal family situation I understand why she was so upset. To be tactful, I’ll leave out what had happened. So after the raving emotional mother, the power outage and running into uberbitch, I figured we had gotten everything that could go wrong out of the system.

How wrong I can be sometimes.

The forty five or so of us got on the plane, one of these wonderful regional-jet-sardine-cans that US Airways is relying on to provide the proper level of service for every city, and keep costs down. No sooner than we had gotten on the plane, the pilot announced there was a ground stop at our destination because of the weather and we’d be delayed, and he thought we’d be more comfortable in the terminal. Most people got off the plane for the fire drill. Then they got all back in. I having just went to the bathroom and well, not wanting to move around just hung around on the plane.. I guess me and my fellow minded passengers failed the fire drill. After battening down the hatches on the plane we taxied to the end of the runway and waited for another forty-five minutes, right next to a snazzy FedEx Express 727. (Note there is no such thing as Federal Express anymore.. Its now known at FedEx Express. Because we’ve got FedEx Ground, FedEx Freight, FedEx Custom Solutions, and my employer: FedEx Kinko’s Office and Print Centers (Yeah we got screwed with the long name. Although there is a newer member of the family, FedEx Postal Solutions. Whee! Next thing you know we’ll have FedEx Food after we buy and fix McDonald’s, you’ll get your food by 10:30 am tomorrow, should be fast enough for anyone.)

But back to the point. So we ended up leaving Cincinnati about the time we were supposed to get to Charlotte. When we got there we didn’t have a gate. (Yeah, our flight was batting a 500.)

I ended up missing my connecting flight, which was good because well I got to get lunch at Chili’s and Starbucks. Free Starbucks. One of the wonderful things about most airports now adays is all of the food service is provided by the same company, when the credit card processing goes down, All of the credit card processing goes down. I grabbed some cash for food, and I got a free coffee after they couldn’t use my Starbucks Duetto Card.

We had a short ground stop leaving to Laguardia which didn’t cause us much trouble. And thats where I’m at now, on the A320 EOW waiting for some freaking beverage service, because these airliners are like the desert. (For good reason, they can’t raise the humidity too high because it is corrosive to the shell of the airplane.)

So well yeah its been a great trip besides the fact that I’m exhausted from being awake for twenty hours.

Oh another thing about this bullshit security. While they’ve gone through such pains and forcing people to break off their nail files from their nail clippers, They’ll gladly provide you with glass salt shakers and glass beer bottles which can be very easily broken and made into a weapon. This is of course while sit down restaurants are forced to pay lip service to security by only using plastic silverware.

Logic does not appear to be something that we americans have.