Path to Enlightened Insanity

I made it to my last “first class” today. My BIO106 lab. I’m actually enjoying it, despite my earlier prognostications of gloom and boredom. Of course I’m not enjoying it for just the class, but instead for the fact I get to do philosophy in it. Specifically in the Nova video we watched about ants, the PhD Dr. Wilson presented his opinions/value judgment as fact.

What my issue with the video was is that Dr. Wilson stated some things that are fundamentally value judgments without them being identified as such. Its strange, but a year ago, I never would have made that determination. I think I owe alot to Dr. Irvine in expanding my horizons and philosophical acumen over the past year.

I actually spent a few minutes talking with the TA about concerns, and she was happy that I was thinking about more than just “Dr. Wilson is ant obsessed” (he is.) But she also said that he’s very on the mark, with his theories that ants are wholly altrustic, and selfless. I agree it does appear this way, but we don’t have the same perspective, ants may instead all be working for their own survival. Its worth some more investigation.

Marcus is someone who is special to me for a strange reason, that I’m not quite sure why. I met him at the 2001/2002 New Year Party. He was a friend of Amanda Bennett‘s from Cincinnati. I felt a strange connection with him, but I never called him back.

I found myself talking a descent amount about him on the first date with Shawn, and when I got to work on Jan 1 I had a few minutes and I wrote him a letter. I’ve deliberated a week on what to do with this letter. I have decided to set this letter free from myself, out into internet space.

In addition I’ve decided to compost the actual letter and grow a plant or flower out of it. (along with some other items to be composted.) Its symbolic. I need to put this behind me, and move on from it.

Oh FYI: Marcus, was killed in a car accident, I never saw him again.

read more…

okay this is my first voice memo eJournal entry uhhh so I dont know how long it can be … but … oh lets see tell myself I just got myself a smoothie my next ones free whoo hoo! ummm I don’t I find myself in a weird spot with Shawn enjoying like everything about it but so like searching for things that are wrong and not wanting to find any of them and haven’t so i guess thats not a problem… I don’t know why its sort of strange but … humph… i dont know sort of confusing I’m wanting to find something wrong but I can’t. I don’t know why I wanna find something wrong umm sort of confusing I don’t know. Umm … its all new territory for me so … it sort of freaks me out but its obviously cool … Ummm humph … Lambda Union had a good meeting Molly is finally resigned… Thank God… I feel so annoyed that I had to do that and frustrated that I had to do that but hummm… someone else nominated me for president so I don’t have to self nominate which is really cool and I’ve had a bunch at least a few people say “I don’t want Jermey to be president umm I think you’d make a better president.” so thats really cool ummm humph … nothing else i think thats about it soo … uhh i guess thats the end of the voice memo and I’ll type this up later.

A Note: Like the message says this was a voice memo on my cell phone which I typed later. I have included all those strange speech fillers, to be true to what I said. I obtained this wonderful skill working as a Communications Assistant at CSD of Ohio Relay. In addition to clarify, Molly was the President of Lambda Union, I’m the secretary. We had to ask her to resign, because she wasn’t doing the job.

I’m sitting here on Shawn’s feet (they’re cold) He’s working on his computer and I’m working on mine. We’re not saying anything to each other and I’m still enjoying it… But time to back up. I picked him up from the airport last night, and I still felt that magic that is between us all night.

We went out to eat dinner at Hops. We walked into the restaurant about 18 minutes before they were scheduled to close, I felt a bit guilty but the waitress was very nice, and even recognized that we were on a date, and offered one check. For most people it doesn’t seem that this would mean a big deal, but I really appreciated it — its just someone being accepting and professionally sensitive.

Boy.. okay what else is there ineresting to say. I did something strange and painful to my back yesterday, still haven’t figured it out — probally because I slipped and fell on the way to class yesterday. Shawn made a point of taking care of my yesterday — he is soo sweet. I honestly would’ve done what he did for me, but I don’t expect it from other people in return — I guess its just a continuing thread of me expecting more from myself than from others…

Lambda seems to be off to a reasonable start, nothing amazing yet.

Classes are going well, and besides that everything is fine.

I woke this morning listing to This American Life.. The episode today was number 228, titled You Are So Beautiful … To Me I listened to the first act, about a woman in love with her parrot, and then was wholly compelled to run downstairs and grab my paper journal. (sorry to all you net readers out there, somethings gotta be private!) I consumed several pages of writing, with no further end in sight regarding my debates of love. Sigh, sometimes even joy is incredibly complicated. Oh Well…

I’ve yet to talk to Jenni about Shawn for any length — our schedules just haven’t jived — she always has a way of helping me rationalize my way out of any situation. (Come on, she provided some very convincing arguments that by spending $2000 or so between my laptop and my bike, I was somehow saving money.)

I wrote this after reading Dear Mom.

Dear Ms. Walker,
I know Shawn will always miss you.
I know it pains him that you will not see him move on and move into his life. But, I assure you that you have raised a fine young man, someone you can be secure in being proud of .
I am truly thankful for the kind, caring, and respectful man you have helped bring into my life. I promise to do my best, to care for him, and I know he will care for me, and look out for his happiness and best interests, even if that means sacrificing my own.
While, I will never get to meet you, your time and effort are truly appreciated.

Nick

okay the first blog entry — and its not really a blog entry, I’m writing in text edit with plans to put it my blog tomorrow, when I set it up. In all honestly, i’ve been thinking of putting a blog up for quite a while, but reading Shawn’s has kicked my ass into getting mine set up. He is so honest to the whole world in those, i feel as if I’m violating his privacy, and tipping the scales badly in my favor. I can read up on his history in his blog, but he has to trust me to tell him my history. But I have been up for too long at this point, I must get some sleep —